


The List

by Squid Squad (TerminalMiraculosis)



Series: Operation 24 [3]
Category: Splatoon
Genre: F/F, enjoy some cute gay cepholopods, this is just fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-07
Updated: 2019-03-14
Packaged: 2019-11-13 14:00:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18033071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TerminalMiraculosis/pseuds/Squid%20Squad
Summary: Eight has been keeping a running list of all the various things Agent 3 claims to hate. This is greatly intriguing to everyone around her; or, it would be, if they knew about it, but, fortunately, they don't. So she's safe.Especially if Three knew about it, that'd be really embarrassing! But, as she said, nobody knows about it.And nobody will ever know about it, which is good, because that would almost certainly lead to a slew of crazy and over-the-top hyjinks at the hands of her friends and family, with Eight and Three's relationship held hostage in the middle. Good thing that will never, ever happen.Ever.





	1. Transcription

Three’s thumb rubbed small circles in the palm of Eight’s hand. They were sitting together on a bench in the park, and Three had her head resting on Eight’s shoulder as they watched the central fountain gurgle.

“The park is really pretty,” Eight said.

Three shrugged. “It’s alright.”

“Thanks for agreeing to come.”

“Yeah, whatever. I still think parks are dumb.”

“I know, Three,” Eight placated.

“Are patronizing me?”

“Of course not, Three.”

Three grumbled under her breath. “You’re lucky that you’re a good pillow.”

Eight laughed, and turned her head, and Three couldn’t help but smile, looking into her eyes. Their faces moved together, soft lips brushing against each other. Three wrapped her arms around Eight, their tentacles intertwining together, and Three deepened the kiss.

After a couple seconds, they pulled apart, smiling and staring at each other.

“You taste good,” Eight observed idly.

Three felt her cheeks heat up. “Um. Thanks. You also taste—ACK!”

Something was in her throat. What the fuck. Was that a bug? Did a bug just fly into her fucking throat right in the middle of her kissing her girlfriend? What the _fuck._ Three coughed and hacked, pounding a fist against her chest. Just her fucking luck. 

“Three? Three, are you okay?”

Three wheezed, and gave Eight a look. Did she _look_ okay?! There was a fucking bug in her throat!

“Are you choking?” Eight set her jaw. “Don’t worry, I’ve got this.”

Without warning, Eight sucker punched Three right in the gut, causing her to violently jettison the fly from her trachea. _“FUCK!”_ Three yelled, then coughed a couple more times, before wiping her mouth. Her diaphragm felt fucking dented, but at least the goddamn fly was gone. Definitely worth the pain. Once she’d taken a moment to recover, she turned to Eight. “Thanks.”

“Oh, any time,” Eight said, as she watched the insect buzz away into the sky. “That was exciting.”

“This is why I didn’t want to do something outside,” Three grumped. “There are bugs. I hate bugs.”

Eight nodded absently, then pulled out a small notebook from her jacket pocket, scribbling something down. 

Three perked up, looking intensely at the small journal. Eight shifted ever-so-slightly, blocking Three’s sight. Three couldn’t tell if it was intentional or not; it was certainly frustrating, either way. Eight subtly jotted something down in it a couple times a date, and Three was beginning to grow curious.

“I’ve been meaning to ask,” she began, “what do you keep writing in that notebook?”

Eight froze mid-sentence. Her eyes shot to Three, shot to her notebook, and then back to Three. “Nothing.” She finished scribbling whatever she was scribbling without looking, and hastily shoved the book back into her jacket. “Hey, do you think anyone’s died in the fountain before?” 

Three turned to the fountain. It was an interesting question. “Probably. I mean, people throw money in there for good luck, right? And with the public spawns, it’s not like there’s a high risk. I’m sure someone who really needed some extra cash decided to—” Wait. Three turned to Eight, who subtly motioned for her to go on. “Are you trying to change the subject?”

Eight bit her lip. “No.”

Three narrowed her eyes. “What’s in the journal? Why don’t you want me to see it? Is it embarrassing? What’s so important to you that you would write it down right in front of me while at the same time not wanting me to know about it?”

Eight was beginning to sweat, her eyes flicking back and forth. “Ummm…”

Three narrowed her eyes even further, piercing into Eight’s soul. Eight stared back, guilty, but unwilling to give Three any ground. Their eyes were locked in a battle of wills for what felt like hours, until Eight finally cleared her throat. Three braced herself; what angle would Eight take to get out of this? She had to prepared for anything.

“Wanna go get ice cream?” Eight asked innocently. “I’ll pay.”

Three frowned. Damn. That was a pretty good angle. “Fine. Keep your secrets. But I’m getting three scoops.”

From what sounded like a few feet to her left, Three heard someone whisper, “Now finish the kiss!”

“Oh my god!” Three whipped around, instinctually slamming an open palm straight into what turned out to be Callie’s nose. 

“Ow! Jesus, Three!” Callie whined, clutching at her face.

“That’s what you get for stalking our dates.”

“You’re so ungrateful. That would’ve been the perfect time for a kiss and you know it!”

Three rolled her eyes. “Come on, Eight. Let’s go.”

They got up from the bench and started walking. “Does this always happen when people start dating?” Eight asked.

“Only if you’re unfortunate enough to be friends with these assholes,” Three answered.

Eight paused in thought. “I wonder how they keep finding out when our dates are.”

Three turned and watched as Callie snuck into a nearby alley, like some sort of shitty fugitive. “Good question.”

* * *

Eight sat at her desk, trying to arrange her notebook and two pieces of paper so they all fit without overlapping. She had enough new items in her notebook to update the master copy of her list. She uncapped a pen, and, in systematically perfect handwriting, titled the blank paper “Things Three Hates.” Then, right under that, “Edition 2: Alphabetized!” because alphabetization was the only truly impartial organization method for lists, and she wanted this to be as impartial as possible, as this was supposed to be an accurate reference material.

Then, she set about the arduous task of transcribing items.

_Art students_  
_Autobombs_  
_Being honest about how she feels_  
_Bras_  
_Callie_  
_Danny (Still don’t know who this is. Should I ask?)_  
_DJ Octa—_

“Whatcha working on?”

Crap.

Immediately, Eight jumped up and whipped around, one hand holding her pen like a shiv, and the other flat on her desk, doing a shoddy job of obscuring the documents. “What’s it to you?” she asked darkly.

Pearl smirked. “Oh, hah! Now I’ve gotta see! You’re not writing love letters to Three or anything, are you?”

Eight reddened. “What? No! That’s—No! It’s nothing.”

“C’mon, let me see!” Pearl insisted, like the nosy little _didizaste_ she was.

Bluh. Only _Pearl_ could make Eight start breaking out the Octarian curses.

Pearl pushed past Eight to look at the lists on her desk, and started cracking up. “Oh my god.”

Eight sighed, defeated, and waited uncomfortably as Pearl read through her list. After a couple dozen seconds of giggling, she let out a gasp. “‘Pearl while she’s rapping?’” Pearl read. “Did she really say that?”

Eight nodded. “That’s pretty good though, all things considered. That means she doesn’t hate you at other times, which puts you above Callie, Marie, and Four.”

“Yeah, but it means she specifically doesn’t like my rapping, which is just ridiculous. I mean, my rapping’s great!”

Eight sucked in a low breath, and decided not to say anything.

“You know, Four seems to be on here an awful lot. It’s, like, a fourth of the whole list.”

Eight sighed, thankful for the subject change. “Yeah. There’s even more in my journal that I’m gonna have to transcribe onto the second version. It’s getting a bit out of hand, honestly.”

Pearl gave a laugh. “You’re gonna have start bundling them into categories!”

“Hmm… That’s not a bad idea,” Eight pondered, fiddling with her pen. “It would get the general point across, but it would save space, and prevent all the Four-related hatreds from overshadowing all the others… Good idea, Pearl?”

“Yeah, no problem, I’m full of ‘em,” Pearl said nonchalantly. “Just wondering, though, how did this even… start? Not that I don’t fully support it with my whole heart, because I do.”

“Well, it started as just a mental list,” Eight explained. “I was a little bit intimidated by Three when I first met her, you know?”

Pearl nodded understandingly. “Same. And I wasn’t even almost killed by her multiple times.”

Eight shuddered involuntary. Thank you for bringing up those happy memories, Pearl!

She shook her head to clear it. “Yeah. So I didn’t want to upset her or anything, so I kept a mental list of the things she said she didn’t like. But it turns out she hates too many things to remember, so I started writing them down.” Eight gestures to the lists. “At some point, I realized that she doesn’t _actually_ hate all this, she just really likes venting frustration by declaring her hatred for things. But I kept keeping track, because it’s fun.”

“Aww,” Pearl said. “That’s really cute, in a really fucking weird way that somehow makes perfect sense for you two.”

Eight raised an eyebrow. “…Thanks?”

“You’re welcome.” Pearl turned towards the door. “Well, I’ll leave you to it. Have fun!”

As Pearl left, Eight sat back down, and raised her pen. 

_—vio_  
_Dude-bros (?)_  
_E-Liter campers_  
_Emotions_  
_Everything_  
_Four…_

* * *

Pearl watched from around the doorframe as Eight finished transcribing her list. She neatly slid it under some books, before stuffing her notebook back into her pocket and throwing her old list away. Then, she got up.

Quickly, Pearl slid around the corner and ran into the bathroom, closing the door behind her. After she heard Eight’s footsteps pass, she dodged out and maneuvered her way into Eight’s room, angling for the trashcan. After a few seconds of digging around, she’d gotten her hands on the discarded list 1.0.

“Yes!” she cheered, standing back up.

“Uh, Pearlie?” came a voice from behind her.

Shit.

“Why are you digging through Eight’s trash?”

“Oh! I’m, uh, taking it out. You know.”

“Oh, really?” Marina smiled. “Well, it’s good to see you finally showing some initiative. Don’t forget the kitchen and bathroom cans!”

As Marina took her leave, Pearl groaned. She _hated_ taking out the trash. This was all Eight’s fault!

“Ugh. The things I do for young love.” Sighing, she ventured to the kitchen to see if she remembered where they kept the trash bags. 

(She didn't.)

* * *

Four sat down at her her dining room table along with her guests. Her apartment was newly cleaned for the occasion—not that it was ever very messy. She wasn’t _Three._ But nevertheless, she had put some extra care into it for today.

A year ago, even with her professional turfing career taking off, she never would’ve imagined that she’d be inviting three of the most popular singers of the decade into her house. But here she was.

“Thank you all for coming,” she began, steepling her fingers and eyeing the others at the table. “I decided to hold this meeting because I’ve brought a new member onto the operation. Please welcome Pearl of Off the Hook.”

“Sorry I’m late, I had to take out the trash,” Pearl said.

“Pearl has been very useful to the operation already,” Four went on, “as she has been our prime source for when Three and Eight are going on a date.”

“Uh, Four? We already know who she is,” Callie said. “You don’t need to introduce her.”

Four rolled her eyes. “Well, I’m _sorry_ for being professional. This is an important addition to our forces! She’s Eight’s _mom!”_

“Um, I’m not her mom,” Pearl said, awkwardly twirling her water. “Marina and I are just letting her live with us until she’s ready to move out and taching her how to, like, live on the surface and shit.”

“That’s literally what parenting is,” Marie deadpanned.

“Hey, speaking of Marina,” Four said, “could she not make it? I invited both of you.”

Pearl laughed. “Yeah, she said that this is a terrible idea and that we should just let their relationship develop naturally. What a fucking nerd, amiright?” 

Everyone nodded sagely in agreement.

Callie waved her hand. “It’s fine, we don’t need her. I’m sure you’ve got all sorts of juicy stuff on Eight that we can use to our advantage!”

“You know, since you’re her mom and all,” Marie added.

“Shut it,” Pearl said flatly. “But yeah. Actually, I stumbled upon something really good this morning. Here.” She pulled out a piece of paper, and tossed it onto the table before going on. “Apparently, Eight has been keeping a running list of everything Three says she hates. She just made her second edition, so I stole the old one out of her trash can.”

Four leaned forward. “A list of things Three hates? That’s gonna be pretty long.”

“No kidding,” Marie said. “I can think of a ton right off the top of my head.”

“Well, she only started writing them down about a week after meeting Three,” Pearl explained. “And she’s just kind of kept at it. I think the new list is forty-five items long? She’s really dedicated to it.”

“That’s so cute,” Callie said.

“Writing down a list of things your significant other hates is cute?” Marie asked.

Callie shrugged. “I mean, it’s Three. It’s not like she’d be able to make a list of the things Three loves.”

“Oh, easy,” Marie said. “Battling. Orange juice. Grandpa’s zapfish plushies. Eight. Done.”

“Um, excuse me, you forgot me, Four, her best friend.”

Pearl laughed out loud. “Oh my god, Four. Have you even read the list?”

Four eyed her suspiciously. What was that supposed to mean? Curious, she picked up the paper and looked it over. Immediately, she started snickering. This was hilarious! Oh, Three… she never failed to impress.

Then Four reached the ‘F’ section.

“Oh my god. Why is there so much about me?” she asked, and the Squid Sisters nearly died on the spot laughing. “No, I’m serious. There is _so much_ about me on here.”

“Yeah, I know,” Pearl said. “In the new version Eight had to summarize them into categories because they were taking up too much space.”

Four kept reading. “She hates my fashion sense? Now that’s just low. Also, I am not pretentious!” Marie immediately started cackling, pounding a fist against the table. Four frowned. “Well, screw you too.”

Marie smirked something awful, talking over her laughter. “Hate to break it to you, Four, sweetie, but I’m an _actual_ celebrity, and not even I have a trophy case sitting right next to my front door so all my guests are forced to see it.”

“I earned those tournament trophies _fair and square,”_ Four insisted, growing red in the face. “And that’s the only spot there was! It’s a small apartment!”

“Yeah, that’s actually something I’ve been wondering,” Pearl mentioned, leaning forward over the table. “Aren’t you, like, a pro turfing prodigy or some shit? Why do you still live in an apartment?”

“Because I don’t mind it, and I’m being responsible with my finances,” Four answered.

“Because she spends most of her paycheck buying the freshest new designer clothing in order to supplement her self worth with external corporate validation,” Callie appended.

“Oh, like you fucking pop stars don’t!” Four fumed. They come into _her_ house and disparage her good name like this? She was beginning to understand why the first thing Three had ever said to her was not to trust the Squid Sisters.

“We’re getting off track,” Marie said with a wave of her hand.

Four huffed. “You’re right. Back to the matter at hand: how do we use this?”

Callie smiled. “I’ve got some ideas.”


	2. Reception

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four has one of the worst days of her life. Three has one of the best. This is not a coincidence.

Pearl looked at the paper airplane on the table. _“This_ is your plan?”

Callie frowned. “You say that like it’s a bad plan, which is strange, because it’s a great plan.”

“It’s a shit plan,” Marie said.

“Shut it, Marie,” Callie snapped, before turning back to Pearl. “You just need to quick borrow the revised list, copy it, fold it into a paper airplane, and Four will take care of the rest.”

“I will?” Four asked.

“Yeah, especially if Marie tells you to,” Callie said matter-of-factly.

Four crossed her arms. “Hey, it’s not like I just do whatever—”

“Yes you do,” Marie cut in. “Though I still think this is a stupid plan.”

Callie rolled her eyes. “Oh yeah? Anybody got a better one?”

“How about—and this is just a thought— _not_ doing dumb shit like throwing paper airplanes at them?” Pearl suggested.

“Yeah, I like that plan,” Agent 4 said.

“Look.” Callie took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and laced her hands together on the table. “It’s either we work together on this, or I do it all myself. And, yes, Pearl, that includes breaking into your house. Marie would help me with that.”

Pearl frowned. “Marie already said that she thinks this plan is shit.”

“Yeah, but I’d still help Callie break into your house,” Marie said with a shrug. “Sounds fun.”

“Okay, fine,” Four said, throwing her hands up in defeat. “We’ll do your stupid plan. But there’s no way this is gonna work.”

Callie smirked. “Willing to bet on that, yellow girl?”

Four self-consciously brought a hand up to her bright tentacles. “…No.”

* * *

“It’s a nice day out,” Eight declared.

“That’s subjective,” Three said. She drummed her fingers on the edge of the metal mesh they were sitting on, letting her feet dangle lazily off the edge. “At least there aren’t many bugs out around here.”

“That’s true.”

Three turned to Eight, and their eyes met. Three smirked. “And the view is nice.”

Eight blushed slightly, then laughed, leaning into Three. “That was awful.”

“Shut it, I’m doing my best!” 

Three couldn’t help but snicker as she playfully pushed Eight off of her, and they quickly descended into giggles, until their faces were right up against each other.

“Hey, you dimwits! You gonna play or what?”

Three huffed and rolled her eyes, reluctantly turning away from Eight to glare at the kid who was yelling. “Dude, we’ve been on the objective this whole time!” Three shouted.

She gesturing angrily to the tower that she and Eight were sitting on. She subtly adjusted her grip as they cleared the checkpoint, and the tower began moving again.

“Yeah, and nothing else! You’re lucky that I’ve been able to hold the enemy back, but—”

He abruptly stopped talking as a blaster shot nailed him the back of the head, causing him to explode into ink. A girl with chopped-off tentacles and a gas mask emerged from her ink on the spot where he died, and Eight casually lifted her charger, twisted around slightly, and took her out before she could get any closer to the tower. 

At the same time, Three saw someone trying to sneak up on them, and generated a couple burst bombs. As the enemy jumped out and started firing at them, she nailed him with both bombs at once, and then slightly tilted her head to one side as his ink shots flew by her ear.

She let out a sigh. “They’re so annoying.”

“I thought ranked mode was supposed to be more competitive?”

“Well, it is, but they’ve got this policy where they start everyone at C-. So you’re really underranked right now, and it’s bringing down our average”

Eight nodded in understanding. “I guess most inklings don’t have any battling experience outside of these regulated turf wars, do they?”

“Nope,” Three affirmed. “Well, I guess there are some kids who work for GrizzCo fighting salmonids out on the shores. They’re usually a bit more in tune with high-stakes combat than most of these nerds.”

“You have kids who fight salmonids?” Eight asked, looking somewhat appalled.

Three laughed. “We’ve got spawn technology and the great zapfish to power it; Inklings don’t die except from old age in Inkopolis. Though, legally, well… let’s just say GrizzCo spends an awful lot on lawyers.

Eight opened her mouth, but before she could say anything, she shivered slightly. “Someone tuned into my frequency,” she said. “Superjump incoming.”

She scooted over slightly, making enough room for their teammate from earlier to land down in between them.

“Alright, you slackers,” he said, flicking his roller off the tower to ink some of the ground around them. “They’re gonna be respawning soon. Be on your guard! We’re almost to the last checkpoint!”

Three gave him the most unimpressed look she could muster. “What rank are you?”

“B+,” he said, like that was something to be proud of.

“Mmhmm. Well. Do your best.” With that, Three shoved him off the tower, and watched as the enemy team converged on his position. 

“Oh dear,” Eight said. “Do you think he’ll be alright?”

“Doesn’t really matter to me,” Three said. “Is your special ready?”

“It’s been ready,” Eight said.

“Cool.” Three backed up off the grating, and shifted to her squid form. “Let’s go for the big finish.”

Eight nodded, and stood up, dropping her E-Liter and summoning the bubble wand. At the same time, Three super jumped to their teammate she had just fed to the sharks, seconds before he went up in ink. Down below her, she watched as the enemy team split their attention between Eight on the tower, and Three’s drop position right in the middle of their territory.

Then, three things happened in rapid succession.

First, Eight swung the bubble blower in three rapid, powerful swings, sending the bubbles rocketing out towards the enemies, simultaneously blocking their shots and their view.

Second, Three activated her splashdown, and dropped out of her superjump to slam onto the ground right in the middle of the three bubbles.

Third—well, it’s not hard to imagine.

A couple minutes later, Three and Eight walked out of the lobby, hand in hand. Eight had leveled up from that, and she wanted to check out the new weapons she had access to.

“Thanks for lending me your charger,” she said. “These weapon restrictions are really frustrating.”

“No problem. I never use chargers anyway. Especially that one.”

Eight nodded. “Right, you hate E-Liter users.”

“With a passion.” She paused. “You have a scarily good memory sometimes, I have to say.”

Eight laughed, somewhat darkly. “Ironic, right?”

What? Oh. Right. Three gave an awkward obligatory laugh, and cursed herself. _That’s not something you say to someone suffering from amnesia, you asshole._

_God, we’re gonna have to talk about the past eventually, huh? That’s gonna suck. It can wait though. Right now, we’re having fun on our—_

Three was pulled from her thoughts rather abruptly when a paper airplane suddenly entered her field of vision, flying right in front of her nose. Three startled backwards a step, and then watched in mild confusion as the paper airplane continued flying, eventually coming to rest in front of a confused group of Inklings several yards away from them.

“What?” Three asked, to nobody in particular.

Eight had a puzzled look on her face as she stared at the paper airplane. “What even is that? If that was meant as an attack, it was very ineffective.”

“Crap! Sorry, excuse me!”

Three and Eight turned to see Four barging through the crowd towards them. Eventually, she reached them, and Three let out an audible groan. “Oh my god. Can we go on _one_ fucking date without one of you shitheads stalking us?”

Eight just waved. “Hi Four!”

Four managed to flip off Three and wave back at Eight simultaneously, but didn’t stop running. She dashed over the where the paper airplane had hit the ground, apologized to the group of Inklings that were giving her strange looks, and turned back to Three and Eight.

“You saw nothing!” she decreed, before once again throwing the paper airplane at the two of them. 

She missed. Again.

Four stomped her foot against the ground and huffed. “Darn it! Come on!”

“What… are you trying to do, exactly?” Eight asked, looking at Four with a raised eyebrow. Three just laughed.

For the second time, Four ran past them, chasing down the airplane. Once she reached it, she picked it up and walked over to the two of them, dropping it emotionlessly at their feet. “There.”

Three continued laughing, clutching at her abdomen. “You’re so fucking bad, Four, oh my god!”

Four sighed. “This was Callie’s plan. For the record.”

Three stopped laughing. Callie? She narrowed her eyes. “Why are you and Callie working together to stalk our dates?”

Four’s face quickly grew guilty, but before Three could grill her any further, Eight let out a shocked gasp from behind. Three turned and saw that she had unfolded the airplane, taken one look at the paper, and froze. Her eyes twitched nervously between the paper and Three.

“Welp, that’s my cue to leave,” Four said. She quickly shifted into squid form, and superjumped over the rooftops of the Galleria, towards her apartment. Hmm… Suspicious.

Three resolved to sort that out later. There were more interesting things going on right now.

“What is this? Some kinda list?” Three asked, taking the paper out of Eight’s grasp.

Eight flailed her arms wildly, trying to snatch it back. “Wait wait wait no no no!”

“What? What is it?” Three smirked, twisting away from Eight’s hands. “Well now I gotta see it.”

“You’re the worst!” Eight protested.

“Thanks, I try. Now, let’s see…” Three looked down at the paper.

* * *

**Things Three Hates**  
 _Edition 2: Alphabetized!_  
By Eight

1\. Art students  
2\. Autobombs  
3\. Being honest about how she feels  
4\. Bras  
5\. Callie  
6\. Danny (Still don’t know who this is. Should I ask??)  
7\. DJ Octavio  
8\. Dude-bros (?)  
9\. E-Liter campers  
10\. Emotions  
11\. Everything  
12\. Four  
13\. Four’s apartment/possessions (4 sub-hatreds)  
14\. Four’s personality (8 sub-hatreds)  
15\. Four’s body parts (5 sub-hatreds)  
16\. Four’s clothes/fashion sense (6 sub-hatreds)  
17\. Four’s opinions (11 sub-hatreds)  
18\. Getting up  
19\. Getting her tentacles cut (Me too! It’s so painful.)  
20\. Granola bars  
21\. Herself (This one is very bad! Work to change!)  
22\. Her name (I think it’s pretty!)  
23\. Inkblot art academy  
24\. Kamabo  
25\. Kids  
26\. Losing  
27\. Marie  
28\. Marina when she’s lecturing  
29\. Men  
30\. Musselforge fitness  
31\. Nerds (It’s funny cause Three is a nerd!)  
32\. Pearl when she’s rapping  
33\. Pop music  
34\. Pulp (Very emphatic about this one for some reason?)  
35\. Puns  
36\. Romance movies  
37\. Sloshers  
38\. Sparkling water  
39\. Splatlings  
40\. Squid Beatz  
41\. Talking about her feelings  
42\. Tartar (Blech ugh me too)  
43\. The Squid Sisters  
44\. Undercover missions  
45\. Work

* * *

Once Three had finished reading, she looked back up at Eight, who was nervously twiddling her thumbs and looking down at the ground.

“Danny’s an asshole coworker from the museum.”

Eight blinked. “Oh. Well that’s good to—”

“And I’m not a nerd. Who told you that? Was it Four?”

Eight laughed, like a jerk. Like a cute, stupid jerk. As her laughter died down, she simply asked, “So you’re not mad?”

“Nah,” Three said. “It’s kinda sweet.”

Eight blushed. “It is?”

Three shrugged. “I guess?” She took another look at the ‘H’s. “I mean, some of your little notes in the margins were, um, really nice to hear.”

“Oh.” Eight rubbed at the back of her neck. “I’m glad.”

“Yeah.” Three folded the list up and put it in her pocket; if Eight noticed, she didn’t say anything. “Now, to deal with Four.”

Eight looked at her quizzically. “What about Four? Wasn’t she just teasing us?”

Three began briskly walking off in the direction Four had left, Eight easily keeping pace by her side. “Four said that this was Callie’s idea,” Three explained. “And though Four loves to shift the blame, it was such a shit idea that I don’t think she was lying. _But,_ in order for Four to go along with it, that must mean someone’s coercing her. For all her many, many faults, Four’s not such an idiot that she would just do whatever Callie says. And who do think would not only take Callie’s side, but also have enough sway to convince Four?”

Three could see the light bulb go off in Eight’s head. “Marie!”

“Exactly.”

“And—and Pearl saw me working on my list the other day!” Eight continued. “She must’ve told them about it and photocopied it while we were out battling!”

Three paused. “I hadn’t thought of that. This goes way deeper than I’d thought.” Then, darker: “Those fuckers.”

“W-well, we can’t say for sure, right? We might be overthinking this.”

Three pulled out her phone and quickly dialed someone, bringing it up to her ear. “Marie?”

_“Of course it’s Marie. What did you expect when you called my number?”_

Three had to fight down a witty retort. “Look, do you by chance know where Four lives?”

_“…Yes. Why?”_

“I want to break into her house.”

_“I’m not going to help you break into her house.”_

Three smirked. “Right, right. Totally understandable. Catch you later, then?”

_“Stay fresh, fucko.”_ The line went dead with a click.

* * *

“Stay fresh, fucko,” Marie said, before hanging up. Abruptly, she turned to the rest of the table. “She’s onto us.”

Four dropped her face into her hands. This was bad, this was bad, this was really bad!

“You sure?” Pearl asked. Four envied her innocence. “You sounded pretty convincing to me.”

Marie grimly shook her head. “I said I wouldn’t help her break into Four’s house. She knows that’s a lie.”

Pearl made a questioning face at that, but Callie interjected before she could say anything. “Ugh! This is all your fault, Four! They totally saw right through you!”

Her fault? _HER FAULT?_ “Well ex _CUSE_ me, _Callie,_ but maybe if your plan hadn’t been such a _flaming piece of actual literal garbage,_ none of this would’ve happened!”

“Guys, guys, calm down,” Marie insisted, sounding much less worried than Four felt she should be. “Look, you heard her too. She clearly doesn’t know where this apartment is. We’re safe.”

“Yeah, for _now,”_ Callie grumbled. “You know Three. She could probably kick all of our collective butts with one hand tied behind her back, and we’re gonna end up running into her at _some_ point.”

“Speak for yourself,” Four said, standing up and walking over to her window. It was a nice day out. “I’m confident I could take on Three. I mean, I basically did the same thing she did, right?”

“Sheldon worked with us on the hero weapons for two years after the first incident,” Marie said. “I’d say Three’s hero shot was maybe… a third as powerful as yours?”

“And she’s had two years extra practice since then,” Callie added. “Sorry, girl, but my money’s on Three.”

Four slumped, resting her elbows on the open window sill. “…Right. Well, I don’t think it’ll come to a fight anyway. We just need to come up with a plan before—”

She was interrupted by an orange squid rocketing through the window and slamming right into her face with a loud, painful, concussive, slightly wet-sounding _SLAP._

“Holy shit!” Pearl exclaimed.

Four thought similar sentiments as she was sent hurtling backwards, but due to the _entire gosh darned squid on her face,_ she wasn’t exactly in the prime position to express herself vocally. Marie just barely managed to leap from her chair and catch Four before she could slam into the table.

Agent 3 shifted back to her humanoid form, but didn’t get off of Four, which was about as pleasant as it sounds. “Ha! Betcha didn’t see that coming, bitches!”

Four hacked up some stray ink that Three’s superjump had left in her mouth and shoved the other agent off of her, struggling to her feet. “What the _fuck.”_

A triumphant look crossed Three’s face. “Hey, you finally swore! I’m so proud of you!”

Four spluttered. “You superjumped into my face!”

“Yeah, well, you guys have been scheming behind my back, so.”

Callie gave Three a look of utter bafflement. “I thought you didn’t know where Four lived! Over the phone, you—”

Three let out one of those haughty, maniacal, you-are-all-such-idiots-compared-to-me laughs of hers. “You seriously think I don’t know where she lives?”

“Yes!” Four insisted. “I have never told you! You really shouldn’t know!”

Three smirked. “Buddy, I followed you home the first day I met you. Who do you take me for? A fool? A gullible, ignorant, incompetent fool?!”

“I… ugh.” Pearl just sighed in resignation, and turned to Callie. “Do you ever get… used to her?”

“Eventually,” Callie answered. “Takes a while though.”

Marie broke up the conversation by slamming a palm down on the table. “Alright, Three. You caught us. Congratulations. Great sleuthing. Whoopdee for you. What’re you gonna do about it? Lecture us?”

“Nah,” Three said, taking a seat on one of Four’s trophy cases. “I’m gonna leave that to the big guns.”

“The big guns?” Four asked, incredulously. But then, the handle on the door to her apartment twisted ominously, and Four sucked in a breath.

And then promptly let it out in relief as Eight came through the frame. “Hey guys!” she greeted cheerily.

“Oh, phew,” Pearl said. “It’s just Eight.”

Eight stepped to the side and, grinning a bit to innocently for Four to really believe it, gestured to the door. “I brought Marina!”

The room immediately went deathly silent, save for Three’s muffled giggling in the corner, and the loud, authoritative clacks of Marina’s platforms as she entered the apartment. She had a tight, fake smile on her face, her brella slung over one shoulder, and murder in her eyes. 

Callie fell back in her chair. “Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.”

Marina’s free hand idly combed through her tentacles as she surveyed everybody in the room, systematically melting their wills with iron-hot looks. Finally she rested on Pearl, who seemed, impossibly, even shorter than usual.

“M-Marina! Hey!” She gulped. Four tsked; _idiot. Don’t show her fear._ “I’m glad you’re finally noticing the, uh, active role I’m playing in, er, supporting Eight’s relationship, and—”

“Oh, really, that’s what you’re doing, Pearl?” Marina said, impossibly calmly. “Supporting our daughter’s relationship? What an interesting way to put it, Pearl.”

The ‘daughter’ comment seemed to go unnoticed by everyone in the room, save for Three and Eight themselves; the former’s giggling grew stronger, and the latter adopted a fierce blush.

Marina’s eyes turned to Four. _Okay. Don’t panic. Play it cool._ “Don’t you think that’s an interesting way to put it, Four?”

“Um.” Four had a sudden feeling that the way she answered this question would have severe and immediate consequences. “…Please don’t hurt me?”

“Oh, I’m not going to hurt you,” Marina said, still not raising her voice in the slightest. “I just want to talk.” She turned to Marie. “What do you say? Up for a talk?”

Marie looked a bit apprehensive, but she quickly defaulted to her usual demeanor, and snorted. “If by ‘talk’ you mean listen to you lecture us for an hour, then I’d honestly rather—”

Like lightning, the brella was popped, and the shotgun blast of ink flashed right past Marie’s cheek. Four watched as Marie raised one shaky hand to her face, brushing off flecks of glistening green ink. “Uh, yeah, sure. Let’s talk.”

Marina folded her brella back up and smiled. “Fantastic! Now, to start, I just want to emphasize: I’m not mad. I’m just _disappointed.”_

“Oh, we are _so_ fucked,” Callie mumbled.

* * *

Three had to shove her entire fist in her mouth to keep from laughing as Marina finally finished up her lecture. “And so you understand that interfering in others’ relationships like this, even if you just want the best for them, is wrong?”

“Yes, ma’am,” returned a chorus of voices.

“And you promise to stop having these silly club meetings, and let Three and Eight’s relationship develop naturally, only offering help if they come to you first?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Marina smiled, somewhat more genuine this time. “Then I think we’re all done here. Pearl, Eight; let’s go home.”

Pearl shot out of her chair and raced over to the door, and the three of them left the room.

“Oh thank god,” Four gasped, as soon as the door closed.

Three took her fist out of her mouth, and started full-on cackling. “Oh my god! HA! _HA!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA! GOLD! THAT WAS GOLD!”_

Callie and Marie were holding each other, sweating. “I thought she was gonna blow my head off,” Marie said.

“I never knew she could be so scary,” Callie whimpered. “I’m so glad she doesn’t work for the Octarians anymore.”

Three kept laughing. “Oh, man! That totally makes up for all that shit you guys pulled.”

“I’d hope so!” Four insisted. “We barely did anything!”

“Yeah, sorry,” Three snickered. “I honestly didn’t think she’d go so hard on you guys.” She laughed some more. “Actually, I lied, I’m not sorry at all. Did you see Marie’s face when she fired her brella? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH—”

Four pinched the bridge of her nose. _“Please_ get out of my apartment, Three.”

* * *

As Three arrived home, she paused in her living room, breathing in the smells of her apartment. Ah. Today had been a good day.

She kicked off her shoes, tossed her hero shot onto her weapon rack, and went into her kitchen, fetching herself a glass of water. As she idled by her kitchen counter, she fished the copy of Eight’s list out of her pocket. She grabbed a nearby pen, and scratched out ‘Marina when she’s lecturing’ with harsh, thick lines. She’d definitely changed her mind about that one.

Smiling, she finished off her water and walked over to her refrigerator. It was completely bare, save for her grocery list; she carefully unpinned that and set it on the counter, then used the spare magnet to hang Eight’s list right smack-dab in the center of the fridge. There. Now she’d… think of Eight whenever she was hungry, she guessed. Whatever. It was the thought that counted.

She sighed. Today had been a really good day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey you guys! Thanks so much for sticking with this series, and for all the lovely comments and kudos you give. The fourth and final installment of Operation 24 will debut in a week, as per usual, and it's shaping up to be a big one. Let's just say there's a reason I put a fluffy comedy right before it...
> 
> But seriously, thanks for reading, and I'll catch you in the next one!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks everyone for reading!
> 
> Hey, if you want to ask me any questions about this fic and its extended universe, or just want to look at the cute agent 24 art I reblog, come visit my tumblr! You'll find me at [operation-24.tumblr.com](https://operation-24.tumblr.com).


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